Saturday, July 02, 2005

Post midnight

am up north atm and wondering when I'll get back here for another round of san francisco; too bad didnt make it there this time around, but was in san jose and the rather obscure tracy (yes, it's a town).
am dying to get back home to claremont and get cracking on my WORK: job, grant, applications, first year project, papers, the lot of it. I need to immerse myself in all of this to get out of my mind.
Today was realisation day for me, since I had ample alone time. Not because I chose to distance myself from people, but because I zoned off everytime people were talking about what's central to their lives, namely acquring money, bitching about others, judging get the drift.
thought of my parents a lot today, them being complete antitheses to most people their age, I know. Will call them tomorrow when Im less cranky.
It has been increasingly brought to my notice
But I did end up being the consultant to my uncle who's sneakily looking for brides for my cousin online. Apparently my cousin will kill him if he finds out what his father;s upto all day behind his back. I am now one of his co-conspirators, but only in terms of advisement.
I realised though that sites such as the one he's registered at are enormously entertaining; like flipping through tv channels, a pastime I havent engaged in, since long now, but that which gets you addicted, nonetheless.
My uncle mistook my enthusiasm for future participation on the site, while I happily smirked on.

this just in: My friend Saurav has provided me with the most concrete definition of the ever-so-vague love, and I just wanted to document it for posterity; so here it is, copy-pasted straight off yahoo messenger:

love boltey I mean that "part" of ur feeling that doesnt depend upon u ...... maney banglai "byatha" ..... appreciation for the goodness of the other person, separate for ur need for him, ur attatchment & ur addiction

getting back to arranged marriages, I had no idea how prevalent they are, especially among the foreign born indian folks, green card holders etc.
another quote of sorts to end for the day, courtesy my poor, unsuspecting cousin: If these people are all so qualified and talented and beautiful, how come they arent married yet?

getting back to Saurav, who feels I am changing by the day (s) he meets me on ym; this is why he feels Im metamorphosing

u talk nowadays like u r straight out of the thriller novels with the style of a suave stylish heroine, not like the fairy godmother u used to be ..

thanks for getting me out of my midnight stupor

Saturday, May 07, 2005


This is the greatest link on earth for me right now. Anyone whose fondest childhood and adult memories are thanks to this crazily fortunate reporter and his dog will, hopefully appreciate this gem of a site.
Hope you Enjoy as much as I am!

Monday, May 02, 2005

general randomness

baby pls get the beer
b'cos you are so near

atleast make me some rum
dont expect me to come

even whisky is fine
goes perfect with dine

all the shit it throws
having trouble with the nose

need to get soon well
forgot to eat burrito from taco bell

and the one this inspired...

Why were you
So weird and mean
Today, I've been
trying to
understand, do you
have a point you're trying to prove?
my beer's over so quick
because you chose to pick
up my can and pour
into your own
such naughtiness from you
I cant seem to
explain at all
dont drive me up the wall
or your fuel tank
will show a blank
and no one will be happy
specially your husky puppy

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Phoenix, Baby

All paths they led to phoenix, last thursday which was, for the u2 concert I had been awaiting for the past (let me calculate) 6 years. Huh. Quite the wait and was amply justified as Glendale arena exploded in lights, cheers and the grandest performance it has ever seen, Im certain.
So we (sandeep and I) set off at 6.30 am on a 6 hour drive for their show at 8 pm that night. As crazy as that sounds, we were given tips on how to maximize the chances of getting good ‘seats’ (the aopostrophes to be explained soon). Besides we had rather ambitiously planned (and this is why I advocate avoiding plans in advance) to leave the night before, which, lo and behold fizzled out. And even though I was up at 4 am, I couldn’t get sandeep out of bed before 5.30. So.
It was only later (at the Arena) that we met even crazier (not necessarily equated with their level of worship) folks who had reached there, to get a heads up on the line at 5 pm the day before. With these fans in our set of u2-adorers, we were actually doing fine.
So the car journey zipped by, with no u2 songs, as declared the apt policy, but with sights and sounds up in my head which made me acutely aware of where I was headed. I was complaining all day that this reality still had not sunk in. So we drove down Sonny Bono memorial freeway, and cher’s mate was of course nowhere in the picture, right after (or before) the sign alerting us of salome road floated by. Getting there….
The queue wasn’t intimidating, and as soon as we figured out which the members line was, we got comfy for the 5-5.30 wait till they started letting people in. just to be clear, I am not a member, but we got member tickets because the nice lady who had even visited Dublin for their show and who sold us the tickets at face value, is, so we took full advantage of that.
Met other people (even one who has been on 117 u2 shows) during the wait, which, however long it was, was quite entertaining. We weren’t sure we could drink outside, but we brought our loaded icepack there and happily finished off a 12 pack of beer between the 2 of us, even after we were told off by a purple shirted organiser. We got further prompted when we found out there was a beer stall for the waiting crowd. The guy in front of us had on a green Joshua tree t-shirt and I was sad to learn he had bought it from an obscure little shop, he couldn’t tell me about. Oh well.
Sandeep and I also struck a deal, that I would buy him a u2 t-shirt and he would get me a Dallas mavericks one (basketball is his thing). He now proudly sports his, while I look forward to mine.
The excitement soared as 6.30 arrived and the lines began moving indoors. The freakier part was that the stage for the show was in the shape of an ellipse and random numbers would decide who got to be inside it, with the stage looming right above their heads. members would be so privileged, but still the random numbers would decide on their fate. So the computer decided that I could get in to the ellipse and take someone else with me (duh). I swear I was numb despite the celebration of that priceless moment.
The first forty-five minutes was agonizing with the Kings of Leon opening up the acct. they weren’t too bad, and we pondered over the enormous pressure they were under, as well as their immense luck.
Anyway enough of the buildup.
So we were about three feet away from Bono and Adam for most of the show. Except for the times when Bono strutted off to the other end of the ellipse. Was surprised at how low-profile The Edge chose to remain J
They killed all with the first 3 songs: Love, peace or Else, Vertigo and Elevation, and I was exhausted with the mad jumping around even before Bono started talking to the audience. I have a sore throat to date.
But he was like a proud lion, walking all over his territory, surveying his kingdom, taking stock of other lesser cats around him. The other 3 were of course more subdued, letting him take full control. Hence his god status. Set List was pretty impressive with two encores. What was very, very explicit though was his political stance, with Sunday Bloody Sunday, Bullet the blue sky, Love-peace, One, Miracle drug, Pride.
No pictures, because our camera wasn’t charged, but seriously not concerned. Front row, front row. That is all.
The next day, to continue on that u2 high, we visited the Joshua Tree National Park. The cd was on for the greater part of the drive. One of my basic interests was also in the tree.
Other exciting news, have got an internship over the summer at Riverside, 45 minutes away, will be doing research for the Forest Service
Excited, because this will be my segue into environmental psych research, and god knows I’ve networked enough to last me, well this semester, at least. But that means I need a car by end May. Hmmmm.
Such is the story for now.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

After the hiatus

ok peer pressure has resulted in this blog, and I know some people are dying to read it, so I
will end their misery right here.
so what has been happening is the key question, right?
NOw,am being sort of pursued by the biggest loser on earth. People who know me will
acknowledge that Im hardly judgemental, but this is someone who comes back even after having
heard (several times) that I am not interested in going out with him. For food or drink. this
is someone who almost invited himself over to dinner I was headed for with another friend.the level of desperation is sad. to add to the reasons why he is such a turn off, imagine my
response to him asking whether my disinterest is because he's pakistani. had to resort to
convince him that I dont lead an exciting enough life, for me to elaborate upon the details of
BY now I should have learnt how to express my disinterest in a decent manner, but looks like I
will have to resort to insulting him somehow. Have to do this EXPLICITLY. maybe I shouldnt talk to people. One conversation deos not result in a date. At least I know
his name now. he will continue being whathisnnm in my phone. Why I am always bothered by
these strange cases, I dont know. Cant even figure out where the line between a normal
conversation and flirting is. Flirts are too much of a turn OFF.I want some say in the matter as well, the chance of which diminishes in the process of
Im wondering when my roommates will realise that I am in the apartment only in the mornings
just to take a shower and collect my books..yes I am hardly there these days. am alternating
between the burkle building and the library for the past three weeks or so.My room for now is just a dumping ground for my meagre possessions...
am also doing an enormous amount of networking within the colleges here, in an attempt to hook
up with environmental organisations.The one Im especially interested in is the
Sierra Club
this is exciting because Ive just discovered how to post links on the blog (thanks, nelson ;))
I think Im spending too much time contacting people, and meeting with them, with no positive
outcome from it, so far. Im severely optimistic, though, so Im going to carry on, without
compromising time better spent on other priorities.
Grad student life can be fun, actually. What I enjoy most is that there's always something to
do. keeps me thoroughly occupied so that boredom never manages a peep.
I have also been receiving several complaints, primarily from my father, about my lack of
communciation, so am going to have to get back on email with most people I have kind of
ignored, for long now. Best of luck with that.
What is getting to me rather sorely is the fact that I havent written anything in a while.
Which is strange, considering I have enough inspiration, where Im located this very moment.
Time will give way to this, of course.
But I AM bored stiff in the dorms these days. Am just not entertained enough, or I have other
more pressing priorities...wanted to get away from there badly on one such occasion. Maybe Im tired of seeing the same,
old faces, and the same old alcohol? who knows.... I guess this semester is getting the better of most of us. thankfully had a major
get-to-together this week, where Everyone of note was present. sort of got back on track with
everyone, via food and drink. We in fact cooked, me making the palak paneer and pavan the
biriyani. this was on sandeep's birthday, where he claimed to have been the main chef all
night long. lots of pointless drinking card games later I fell asleep. I dont want to become
an expert on palak paneer, but. this is already the second time Ive made it for mass
consumption in the space of 2 months..
But great fun, despite. was glad to have everyone enjoying themselves thoroughly. together.
sleepy now, so will carry on soon.
hopefully I have appeased some folks in the process, if not, well, there's always next time.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

spring unfolds

one freaking month is over, and where did it go, I wonder.
So parents visited and it was fun showing them the sights which count as mundane in my life atm. For eg, Mt Baldy, the Burkle courtyard, the Village (I scream inside when I refer to this) and other such scenes. I had tremendously high hopes of cooking for them, which resulted in my first purchase of chicken...of course there was no time and inclination so eating out happened at a frightening pace. I had doggybags of Chinese, Thai and Japanese food in my fridge after that weekend. Also did LA, and was happy to see my mother tinker around with her new camera. Am proud of her.
It feels very odd now that they've left the country permanently. Dont get me wrong, am not sad and mopey about it. From Ma's pov especially, the adjustment, post NY will be a tussle. Baba, I know is relieved to return :)
anyway, Ma's got transferred to Bombay this time, WHICH means, there will be a significant stopover there on my next India trip.
So, meye, if you're reading this, try and keep some time free around July-Aug this year. not sure of this, but tis a consideration.

especially because I need to earn/save for, not only my car and my college fees, but also occasional trips now and then to obscure places like, let's say....egypt for instance.

Am a bit excited about my cultural studies class tomorrow, because Lourdes mentioned something about the Sierra Club, and getting on board with their environmental project should be a definite advantage.
My time management skills will be tested majorly in the next few months.

Also Clockwork Orange happened on Friday, so pleased to no end. Great 80's music. We declared we wouldnt be able to assess the extent of the dancing till next morning when teh body aches kicked in. Didnt get the chance, primarily because sandeep and I spent the next 8 hours or so on bacardi and coke, thanks to his nice roomie's well stocked bar.
end result was dark circles around eyes and got worked up when 2 people told me this... hopefully last night's 12 hour rest worked. However interrupted.
was pretty shocked when anirban called..from calcutta. Scared him with my Oh my god. I was sleeping dammit.
My brownie phase is once again nearing...
have dinner tonight at charlene's place, and so getting back in touch with fellow international students is the agenda.
Ok am a bit concerned about the eviction notice in the dorms. hopefully people will be able to work things out with housing. also feeling vaguely responsible, though am never the one loud enough to warrant visits by campus security. does mere presence count? officially, maybe not, but up in my head, a pretty big yes. We really need to be quiet now. or at the least, change location.

will the chicken be cooked tonight is the burning question atm.....

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Spreeing away

Under starless skies,
Flashing lights
And grumbling clouds
Screaming out,
Softly fading out,
And shadows of trees
That are trees themselves,
And earthly glows
Through them shows
You rooted where you are.
A playful breeze
Not quite there
To touch you anywhere,
But you know it's out there.
Blackened leaves clustered all around
Shutting out the world that
You can peer at
From your island nest,
While you're nowhere in the scene,
Where the rain like silent teardrops,
Stumbles down the shaded green.
Oh, to be there forever,
Where you're not meant to be.

That epic pome

Long after a purple twilight
Fades into a moonlit night,
And the waves gently splash the shores
And lull the sands to a restless slumber,
The woods are hushed,
The woods are still,
Till the ocean breeze through the leaves
Snaps the busy, forest life out of their sleep.
And there she walked, deep in thought,
Wondering where she'd end up next
Just following the snaky, wooded path.
A question lingered in her mind,
The answer to it she could not find,
It didn't matter, and she didn't care.
She knew that it would come to her
Some day, some time, some place else,
She was just happy to be there.

A musty smell passed her by,
She enjoyed it while she could,
The crickets' chatter made her smile,
Though she wished they wouldn't fly.
A hint of blue caught her eye,
It seemed an alien flower,
Or was it just the moon above
Upto its usual tricks ?
She stopped, she turned and headed there,
Where this new mystery lay,
The foliage shut out the moon, so that she didn't see
Just when she had, happily, walked straight into a tree.

He laughed out loud, it filled the air,
She looked up with a glare,
She rubbed her poor, injured nose,
Or so she thought right then,
But as she joined him in his laugh
Not strangely, she brightened.
The blue flower found himself alone
All over once again,
They weren't impressed with what they saw
So they walked on and away.

What troubled him was the starless sky,
It was clear and incomplete,
A pretty picture it would have made
With downy, fluffy clouds, at least.
The image of a thunderstorm floated through his mind,
The lightning streaks, high up there
Tearing up the sky,
Alights the deadened, darkened gloom
The moon had left behind.
Angrily, the leaden clouds do roar with all their might,
And the forest life, burrowed deep, quiver and quake in fright,
The raindrops trickling down the leaves,
Drenched in silvery light,
The fragrance of the moist earth
And the blossoms, freshly bathed,
The scurrying creatures of the night, emerge from hiding,
A different world, a glistening world, as delightful as can be.
A joyous walk through puddled paths
He knew it wouldn't be,
Water creeping down his soaked spine
Was far from what he needed.

He looked up now, and there she was,
Basking in her own light,
He softly sighed, and was he glad
He was with her and nowhere else.
He looked up now, and there he was
Brought right down, onto the ground,
A mossy patch had done him in
While other sights he'd had to see.
Amazed, he stared at her as she
Overflowed with peals of laughter,
While there he lay on the grassy floor
With something green walking up his sleeve.
He brushed it off, he stood up, he grinned,
He thought it indeed true,
That some, old, soul in the heavens above
Somehow did even scores.

The sea-sounds grew more distinct now,
The air damper with every step,
The lonely sea shore, at last was reached
When through the leaves was seen,
The waves caressing sandy shores, the moon beaming on.
And endlessly they did gaze, at the vision before their eyes,
Till someone realised the beach was still left unexplored.
A heady whiff of ocean breeze took him far, far away,
Till she brought him back to the moonlit shore
Pointing out a solitary star,
Twinkling daintily.
He wondered how he had not seen, when to his joy he saw,
Faint and tiny stars shining dimly in the sky,
We've endured enough, they said, not meekly, to the moon,
The skies are yours, as well as ours, what say you, to a truce ?
The gracious moon, in the best of moods, kindly did oblige.
Contentedly, he smiled along, the stars kept shining on.

And back it came, the question, unanswered as before,
She wished that it would go away, and let her stay in peace.
The shifting sands below her feet, could offer no solace,
When he wondered just where she was, he wondered out aloud.
She shrugged and answered listlessly,
She didn't quite know herself.
The trip back to the real world, brought her to her senses
And made her feel her hunger pangs so very painfully,
Ah yes, he said, if only, the hamper had been here,
If only in her haste she had not left it on the table.
These trifles worked out for the best, she said, as she knew,
Carry it, she would not have, and surely, neither would he.
A crooked branch she found at last, lying in the sand,
A wand, a sword, a pen it turned into, in her hand.
The fairies shied from the oceanside, they hid in forests deep,
A warrior she could never be, she confessed, lazily.
So she scribbled, scribbled, scribbled away, to her heart's content,
As the sandy grains made way for her writing instrument.
She drew cottages and birds and stars with happy faces here and there,
Lyrics of her favourite songs she traced out with care,
Till effortlessly, a weakling of a wind
Brought the sand back to its place.
She wrote on, it mattered not that it'd disappear without a trace,
What mattered were the incredible words she'd never quite forget.
She wished that there were shells around to keep her art in place,
A spotless, perfect beach as this, she never before had seen.

He reached the foamy water's edge, facing the full moon,
Her soothing aura awed him so, he stood there, transfixed.
The music of the lapping waves, slowly, he discerned,
And joined the humming sea mist, not in perfect harmony.
He threw his voice upon the waves,
The tunes never made more sense.
He saw the moon smile down at him,
He winked, to let her know, that he believed in her
Heavenly face, and not some man, no one could place.
And just when he broke into a dance, he never did know.
His steady, swaying, steps, they seemed to usher in the sea,
The snapping of his fingertips, did so excite the breeze.
The trance wore off quite suddenly, when he heard her cry
At this most unusual sight that lay before her eyes.
At length they met before the waves,
Their laughter yet to die,
As she used her quill to paint his face,
While he sang a nursery rhyme.
Along the trailing shore they walked, seemingly headed nowhere,
The conversation knew no end, they carried on without a care.

The rocky cliff they did climb, to seat themselves up high,
And sure enough, the view below, made them catch their breath.
And carelessly, the sea sprays did brush past their cheeks,
The happy moon peered at them both, so very much at ease.
She sang a song, a light-hearted one,
He followed it up with another,
The duet wouldn't work out fine
And amused them for a while.
On the jagged surface, he did try to drum a beat,
Till the prospect of a battered hand got him to tap his feet.
She continued her handiwork on the uneven, rock wall,
Till impulsively, her magic pen into the waves she let fall.
She followed its peaceful course as it slowly floated away,
Till she could see it no longer on the grey and white waves.
A tearful farewell it was not meant to be,
As she saw herself shout out, an ecstatic goodbye.
He cheered with whole heart and soul, making ample noise
Befitting such activities on a lovely, moonlit night.

She couldn't help a tiny yawn, it was so very late,
He grinned and found himself some place, just to lie and wait,
Accusing him of stealing her place
She propped herself on a huge, dark stone.
The stars shone bright in an inky sky,
He beheld the moon as she kept an eye
On every creature that roamed the night.
He turned, he saw, he knew right when
She closed her eyes and she drifted off
To a distant land, a land of dreams
Where logic and reason are banished away
And where secret wishes could set sail.

In the dark no more

So why is this called Coffee in the Dark?

Ive often pondered over that, with no success coming up with a logical answer. The only way to explain this apparently cryptic title is as follows, though logic features nowhere here:

Coffee in the dark
When you can't see within
The mug in the hand
Where the story begins.
Whipping up a storm
With a swirl of the hands,
Tonight, the coffee is on you,
As the bubbles of life
In whirlpools disappear
Into the dark and layered depths
Of all that is seen in the candlelight,
Till all that you feel
Are the foamy waves,
As you try to sip,
For you've outdone yourself,
And you know right then,
What you've achieved,
As the flavour, it rises and reaches way up
From where it travels the world
And conquers the soul,
And that's when the light from the candle
In the mug is seen,
The flickers urging the froth to roam
Till the twinkling stars reach your lip,
Time stops as the candles bow to the wind
Till they tug at the flames,
Thrashing, all ablaze,
Making the one ultimate move,
Till their heads held high,
They stand in the night,
When the camels caress
Beneath the glittering sky,
When the jewelled palms
Stand motionless beside,
After the sun's shut out the light,
Over wooded slopes,
Smirking at the dark tree's silhouette,
Barren and bare,
Whose leaves hardly cared,
Rejoicing in his might,
The sun descends,
The tree's plea remained
Unheard and untouched,
But the sun's vain departure
Conceived a world alight
With pleasures and pains
The sun couldn't share,
And the candle, now receding,
Struggled in the night,
Wouldn't let down the lives
Breathing in its flames,
The one, lonely star
Nestling in the violet sky,
Looked unhappily on
As the fire flames were tossed,
The red, burning tip,
Bearing the brunt
Of the merciless wind,
Danced snakily on,
And as one flame is doused
Another arose,
The flames igniting the wind's ceaseless flow,
The single tear from the friendless star
Was engulfed in the rage of the fire below,
The flames synchronise
In the stillness now,
Awaiting the wind
Like the magical wand,
That touches and goes,
Leaving eyes in awe
Of its wondrous blow,
And as the wax slides down
The stronger flame,
The feebler of body
Refuses to die,
Gasping for breath,
It's head afloat
In the sooty maze of
Trailing mists,
That hide it in one moment, safe,
Losing itself in shadowed light,
Till it bursts forth through,
As the other's blown out,
And through it all,
The feebler stays
Stronger inside its unpredictable light,
And when the trees pull apart,
Inviting the wind
And the world to show
Those old pictures,
Which in the fire-lit night will glow,
The candles burn out
One drop at a time,
And all that remain
Are the coffee stains.